Walker's Wheelhouse

First, be vaguely aware that there is something called the Occupy Wall Street protest going on in and around the more or less Wall Street-ish area, about more or less Wall Street type things. Like, those pesky issues about how 99 percent of the population is drastically disenfranchised, as opposed to the one percent of the population who holds like forty percent of the nation’s wealth blah blah blah YAWN. Then check Twitter.

Read on Twitter that Radiohead is set to perform at the Occupy Wall Street protest, a cause that you are now deeply committed to, at 4. Immediately think that this country is FUCKED, it has been for a while, and you should go down to Wall Street and show your support. Text five people asking them if they want to come with you, and after receiving one response reading, “hahahahahahaha nope,” finally rope in one friend who was going down there anyway because she was interested in the protests. That’s totally what you were doing too.

Walk down through Chinatown and get stopped by a man who asks, “Are any hotels nearby?” Get annoyed at him for stopping you on what might be the grossest smelling corner in NYC, literally right next to where people are unloading a suspicious looking open crate of fish, and for even considering spending the night in this area. What is he thinking?? Briskly say no, you do not know of any hotels nearby, and as you hurry away, reflect that he might have been propositioning you. That was nice of him.

Just before you enter the park where the protest is being held, realize that you’re wearing a shirt that reads, “Harvard, the Duke of the North” and carrying a Prada bag (it was a gift, OK??). Flip the bag so the label is hidden and arrange your hair over your t-shirt.

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